10 min read
“How To Live A Rewarding Life Even If You’re Lonely”
Introduction
It’s now that time of year – February. People are now getting together to celebrate the day, and cherish it.
Yet, there are some people out there that celebrate the day, the season, or the “holiday” (if you consider it that) that celebrate it with no one. Whether you look down upon it (to which you really shouldn’t), or don’t, I felt like this post was one of the more necessary ones.
Many, or really millions, live a life that is surrounded by loneliness. They have very few people they can trust, no one they can talk to about their problems, and too many conflicts that they deal with on a daily basis; physically or mentally.
In this post, we’ll take a small dive into how to live a rewarding, satisfying, and gratifying life even if you’re lonely; or simply, don’t have that person to talk to on the regular.
What Makes A Good Life?
We each have our own appropriate definitions on what makes a good life; a life worth having lived. For some people, it’s being able to see the people they love everyday. For others, it’s watching their years of effort and determination finally pay off. And for others, it’s being able to raise their own family and seeing it all unfold in front of their very eyes.
Your definition is not the same as even your closest friend’s definition. You must recognize that as soon as you can.
However, maybe you associate a good life differently from a rewarding life. Maybe, for you, a good life is exactly what I explained before. Spending time with family, seeing them as frequently as you can, and celebrating every moment you have with them. But, maybe a rewarding life is a life in which you struggle and work in order to reach new goals every day.
For me, that might seem like a more reasonable definition.
Loneliness Does Not Determine Your Reward, or Who You Are
Just because you are lonely does not mean that you can’t achieve that same feats that a person with lots of connections, can.
Look at it like this: Some of the most powerful and successful people on the globe are people that had to make the most sacrifices compared to the rest. They had to live lives that were torturous, painful, filled with moments of regret and destruction, and oozing with their blood, sweat, and tears. Yet, those sacrifices made them as powerful as they ended up becoming.
Loneliness is a period of time that most of us are simply in for just a small amount of time. It’s a sacrifice that millions have to make in order to be in the position they want to be in for years to come.
It doesn’t matter whether you want to go to college, start your own business, or live the life of a solo entrepreneur that only works when they absolutely need to; rather, it matters what you do. Your actions are the determinant behind where you’ll be, and how far you’ll end up going.
Loneliness is merely a temporary side effect of the main mission. Just like playing a video game, if you want to beat it, and beat it as soon as possible, you have to make a sacrifice: time. Lots of it. You have to stay in your bedroom, likely alone, and play until you beat the game (and in some cases, that isn’t even possible within the reasonable time slot you gave up).
The Greatest Successes Require The Greatest Sacrifices
If you look at any success story, you’ll find a common trait between each one: they weren’t ever an “overnight success”.
Although the news and media makes these wonderful and magnificent stories out to be as stories told by individuals that succeeded in just days, the truth is that no one ever is able to make such worthy accomplishments in such little time. They need to spend months, or better yet, years of their life to reach the x on the map.
If you’re in a difficult position, in this case, in a lonely situation, but because of voluntary choice (pursuit of moving forward), then don’t feel bad. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll feel all kinds of negative and beating emotions, and it will definitely tear you down, but that is to be expected. You should expect harsh beatdowns, and never-ending torture. That’s what this is all about.
However, if that isn’t you, but rather, you’re in a bad position regardless (by this, I mean: you are in no pursuit of anything, and instead, you’re simply just in a harsh situation); then, this is a much different story. There is no shiny prize at the end of the road, and there is no plan of endeavor.
Please Ask Yourself This Question
In movies, and in all the fantasy stories out there in the world, there is ultimately one end goal that stands out from them all: family, love, and happiness. I know that those are three ideas, each with their own corresponding significance; yet, they are all interconnected in some way.
The ones you love the most are nothing short of family to you. The people you wish to eventually be able to see everyday, spend every minute with, and cherish every moment with, is your family. This desire to spend this level of time with your family, with these people that create so much internal happiness for you, is all driven by love. Your need to fulfill this demanding requirement in your brain, the requirement we recognize as love, self-love, appreciation, results in the ultimate inclination to run and fetch the dream. This dream is unlike any other dream, however.
Everyday, we surround ourselves with people, with a society, although not by choice, that each individually chase the same dream. Some might consider it the “American Dream”, if you’re American (of course), and others might consider it as their “Life’s Dream”; the aspiration that they will do everything in their power to make a reality.
We Are All The Same
No matter how low, weak, powerful, rich, poor, incomplete, or empty a person is, every human mind demands love and attention. It’s what makes the most fulfilled of people as happy and fulfilled as they end up becoming; but it’s also what creates the most dangerous people that go on to control and dominate people’s minds and selves in order to satisfy their demand for attention and care.
Only with these two requirements satisfied, can a majority of the world’s population, achieve the eternal goal of their lives from the day they were born or gained consciousness: happiness.
And… that’s the life’s journey of millions, or even of billions, across the entire existence of humanity.
Being able to come home, and relax for hours on end, and then see their children; it’s a treat. Happiness is the driver behind it all for the human species. Whether it means that they have to make sacrifices and take risks themselves in order for it to come true, they will do it. Whatever it takes, whatever the cost, no matter what, the goal will eventually, with time, be reached.
The Question In Mind
There are two kind of people, two of which we will briefly discuss in this section.
One person makes every action with purpose, with reason, with direction. These people might not have it all figured out, but make close to all of their decisions with a motivating reason behind it.
The other person makes decisions, but usually without any good-enough reason for it. These kind of people usually have no targets in which they aim for, and are rather lost in the foggy air and atmosphere, with no clue where they’ll take their next step.
The reason this matters is because, in this particular situation, this could describe exactly who you are. Some of us are lonely, with no person to talk to, but at the moment. Eventually, with time, you can return back to your loved ones, and resume everything back to the way it was; but in a much better position. Maybe for you this means being in better physical shape, in a better financial situation, or in a better mental state.
We each need to work on ourselves, and dedicate a proper segment of time to make that possible. Sometimes, for the necessary personal improvement that we’re searching for, we need to give up what matters to us the most; but again, only temporarily. If you can’t do that, you won’t get very far.
Therefore, the question of the day is: Can YOU make the harder decision? Are you willing to do what’s hard, if it means a better life in the future?
Don’t Worry, Your Situation Can Still Be Fixed
Not each one of us live the same story. If you’re fortunate (and smart) enough to be in a good position in life right now, and have the necessary direction and vision to know where you need to go next, then answering the question above should be sufficient enough to do the trick. However, if it doesn’t, then it might mean something more about your character, and the even further level of work necessary work to get to the end position you want to be in.
That’s where we stumble upon the problem, the problem that YOU might be facing: “what if my loneliness is more of a problem than a trade-off?”
By this, I mean: your loneliness is not a byproduct of your striving for success. Loneliness, just like sadness, anxiety, stress, or depression could just be another problem on the already-large stack of problems on your plate. In this situation, you have a much larger problem.
However, it can be fixed, and pretty simply too. If you care enough, it will vanish with time and effort.
What If My Loneliness Isn’t A Byproduct?
In the United States alone, reports indicate that approximately 50% of all adults in the US report feel some sense of loneliness. But, we all feel lonely, and should feel lonely here and there, right? Well yes, but not to the extent that many people actually endure it.
Misconception
Just because someone is lonely doesn’t mean they’re alone. The word “lonely” makes it seem like we can only be lonely if there’s no one around. However, loneliness isn’t that simple. It’s actually a complex feeling that can still occur even in group settings; signaling a really important sign: the need for meaningful connection, a major catalyst for many in order to fuel their success.
Although some of the most successful people in the world managed to make it to the top on their own, and using their own brute mental power, it doesn’t mean they sustained it for the years that continued. In many cases, these same people get mentors, or even had mentors to teach them the valuable lessons necessary for progression.
But, that’s a little ahead of what I’m talking about. Personal connection and mentorship are two completely different things. Mentorship teaches how to get ahead. Personal connection teaches you how to take control of life, appreciate it for what it is, and how to squeeze life for the fruitful juices that it offers.
The point is: are you lonely, alone, or both? Each problem has their own individual solution, so please recognize/answer this before we continue. We’ll classify “lonely” in this case-scenario as just feeling spaced out, and distanced from the rest, despite not literally being separated from other humans.
How To Combat Either Three
If you’re 1) lonely, meaning that you feel alone, but aren’t actually always alone, then the fix you need to look for is a meaningful connection with another. If anything, you need someone to smile with, laugh with, and to talk to. In a majority of cases, you can find these people right through your phone contacts. And you’re really desperate, another option are online forums, groups and communities. Some are free, others paid, and they tend to have a large collection of people who feel the same way as you do.
Your best bet if you’re lonely (but not alone) is to talk personally with someone you trust. Even if you haven’t talked to that person in a while, as long as you trust them enough for you to express vulnerability and deep emotions, then they’ll serve as a very valuable person for you to bond with.
If you’re 2) alone, or really just isolated, then you are in the best of the three states. The great thing here is that this is actually healthy for personal nourishment, and is not bad for you. Each one of us needs to be self-sufficient to a certain extent. By my guess, I assume that if you’re reading this post, and this specific line, then this feeling of “loneliness” negatively affects you. In this case, your best option is simply connect with those you trust and connect with the most.
If you’re not in the position to do that, I’d opt for going outside and getting some fresh air. Appreciate the world, the grass, the water, the sky, the sun, life really. Gratitude is the greatest medicine for even some of the most aching pains.
What To Do If You’re Lonely & Isolated
At last, if 3) you’re lonely and alone, being classified as having absolutely no one (or very few people) to talk to one-on-one, and feeling mentally and spatially isolated from everyone around you.
This is the hardest of the three, and for good reason. For many people, it actually turns out to be a precursor to depression, so I recommend you do any of the following things:
- joining online communities with similar interests as you
- religious communities
- volunteering for important causes that you care about
- watching videos online/reading articles online where people document their personal feelings and discuss related issues
- This can usually give you an idea of how many other people go through the same issue, and how to directly counter it using their advice (if provided)
- relocation (to be closer to family members)
- adopting a pet (really good option)
- beating loneliness
Being lonely and not having anyone to talk to, sucks. And I personally can’t tell you how that feels because I’m lucky and fortunate enough to not have gone through that hard point in my life (yet, since I can’t tell the future). But what I can tell you is that this loneliness, isolation, and separation that you feel, or know that someone else might be feeling can’t do no good.
Confront the problem directly and acknowledge that in order to live a life of passion, of happiness, and of gratification (as we talked about earlier), it doesn’t mean scrolling on your phone or watching Netflix until the clock reaches midnight. That’s probably one of the worst things you can do.
Instead, you can find something to appreciate and to love despite living in this rocky position.
How To Beat Loneliness
If you saw the last point in the short list above, you’ll notice that I wrote down “beating loneliness”. And it sounds exactly like it does.
By beating loneliness, you can live a life that completely rids of its existence, and exterminates its presence for good.
So, how do you do it? Simple. But, not easy.
The understanding and lesson that we here at GG love teaching is purpose. Every one of us is destined to face this same rocky position too. Some of us go through it when we’re searching for our first job, in college, in high school, or even later on in life when some might think that we have it all figured out; when we really don’t.
I’ve learned over the years that close to everyone is just doing their absolute best to accustom themselves to the world, and to their surrounding environment. As we grow older, we have to take into account more and more responsibility. Remember when you were in elementary school? Probably not. But if you do, you might remember how there used to be line leaders, and extremely large and united friend groups, very little usage of profanity, and just collections and happy groups of students.
It even seemed like the teachers were happy, knowing that they got to deal with children everyday, that would forever stay the same age until they decided to retire or change their job role. But, maybe they weren’t. Eventually, we too got older and had to deal with middle school. There, we realized that friend groups were no longer the same and that some teachers used profanity in their lessons.
Turn the clock even further, like much further, and now you’re dealing with job payments, tax filing, car payments, insurance, the law, you get it.
You Can’t Beat Time
As we naturally get older in life, many of us unlock the understanding that in order to come back home happy, and live a happy life that can be sustained in the long-term, we have to be beaten up on the daily; or just the weekly. We feel lonely, with no one to talk to about our problems directly, especially if you’re a male, because that’s just how the world works.
It’s tough, and it was never intended to be easy. Even at the top, you still feel lonely. Everyone sees you for what you have, but not who you are. You feel lonely, and yet still with no one to connect with.
To beat loneliness, and destroy its chances of it absorbing you in its dark aura, you need to talk to someone that could care less about your level in society. Even if you’re the poorest or the richest man in the room, this person wouldn’t care, and would only be there to provide you what you need most: connection.
Earlier we mentioned mentorship, and you could definitely say that this ties in here. Mentors are there to provide advice, and don’t need to be through a paid relationship. A neighbor, local citizen that passes by on the street everyday, someone that takes the subway for work daily, could all be people of interest.
But, better yet, you need someone who can provide unconditional love to you, no matter how negative you feel. Even if you’re having a terrible day, this person, or not a person, will still love you non-stop.
You are human.
Never feel bad about needing to fulfill a basic human requirement: love and attention. You are human, and just like every other creature on the planet. We were born to innovate, invent, and adapt, just like we were to love and hate.
Even if you celebrate your birthday alone, with nobody, or spend a holiday with nobody, or spend the weekends just watching TV on the sofa alone, you are never really alone. You must recognize that just because you are in a bad position now doesn’t mean you will be in years to come. What I like to do to when I feel awful is to revert my focus on the future; on something I like doing, and on the hope that life can be better. Chances are, you already have the tools necessary to move forward, to move past your negative position, you just don’t know it yet.
COVID-19, the pandemic, was a really hard time for many people. It marked an era where people felt down, felt the lowest they’ve ever felt, and had nobody to talk to. It changed millions of people, forever. But despite how bad it trashed our minds and our lives, we still hold meaningful memories from those years. We were all younger. You might even remember games like Among Us, and how pretty much the entire Internet was obsessed with it. It created the opportunities for new content production and even made the careers of several people.
Our Lowest Moments Mean More Than You Think
2020 might’ve been your hardest year. It might’ve been the year that had you rethinking life, and how you took the years before for granted. But, when I look back on those years, I rarely ever remember the noticeable bad about it. Although I do remember how bad I used to be socially, how I used to think of grades as my only way to succeed in life (which it isn’t), and how everything was closed down. Toilet paper apparently became an asset. Hand sanitizer did too. Remember that? Haha.
The point at hand is that when we look back at our lowest points in life, sure, we remember the negative traits that we used to associate with it. But, we don’t remember what exactly made them so bad. We don’t remember the memory of everyday struggle, because, in a very wide majority of cases, we ended up living under much better circumstances afterwards. Therefore, we only end up vividly remembering what made it good.
I remember not having school for over an entire year, and just learning through online. School had never, ever, been so easy. I had so much more time to myself, and I talked to my friends (which I had known since elementary school) so much more often. Man, now that I think about it, I really did take so much of it for granted.
Despite how low you might feel now, and how terrible things are, if you can find a way to persevere and to jump onto a moving train cart heading in the direction of the near future; and there’s a clear roadmap from here to there, then there’s nothing to be afraid of. You need a good plan. And… a little side of hope.
How To Live A Rewarding, Gratifying Life
Say that it’s now a few years down the line. You’re now in a much better mental and literal stance in life. How can you continue living this same life without having it fall apart as bad as it did years prior to now?
The best thing you can do is to practice what we mentioned earlier: gratitude. Be grateful for what you have now, for the journey; even if it might’ve been the most painful and struggling thing you’ve gone through in your life. You did it! And that’s what matters the most.
You could’ve stayed sitting down, just letting life pass by, just getting older and older; never facing your problems face-to-face. But, you didn’t. Instead, you took action and tried to make your life better; and it worked.
Another piece of advice I recommend you follow is to also take advantage and live life to the fullest of what it is right now. Don’t force yourself to live frugally, always depriving yourself of the experiences that you’ve worked and beaten yourself so hard to earn. Enjoy life for what it is, and what it can be; because that’s what makes it especially wonderful.
What Steps Do I Need To Take?
To get to this position, you need to:
- Firstly, move past your currently terrible position in life.
- Second, find a moving train cart (as we mentioned earlier) for you to jump in, safely. This means taking advantage of an opportunity that’s in your reach and maximizing whatever you can off of it.
- For example, maybe you possess some skill, and find that it’s doing particularly well in the job market, so you decide to find a job or simply freelance your skills online while you improve your mental health and being to reach out and connect with more people.
- By landing a job, or joining into these communities of interest, whether it’s regarding the problem-at-hand, a skill of yours, a show you watched, or anything that means anything at all to you; you can progress miles ahead of where you were not so long ago.
- Lastly, stay on the moving train cart, and embracing the changes that life throws in your direction. At some points, it might randomly stop, malfunction, or even being to speed up – indicating high rates of success. By this phase, you must not give up. You must continue to push forward, plowing down on all the challenges and obstacles in your path.
Life has it’s way of making the situations we go through almost like a process. You fail, you succeed, you lose, but then you win, and suddenly; win again!
Randomness is what makes even the most riskiest of games, as dopamine-intense as they are. Treat life like a game that takes years to beat. Treat it as race, as a competition with two players: you and your mind. Only one can win. You win by reaching your goals and winning everything there is. Your mind wins by getting you to give up, to quit.
Can You Do It?
Earlier, you may or might not remember, we posed a question regarding how to combat loneliness if it was a byproduct of a chosen road to success. And now that you’re reading this portion, and have the knowledge necessary to move forwards with life; we ask the same question.
Can you make the hard decision, the decision to move forwards, the decision to leave everything behind?
By combatting your loneliness, and then turning things around to find love in the things that naturally surround us, we end up stronger. By finding self-love, we love ourselves and who we are and who we’ll become more. Your loneliness and need for attention doesn’t need to control you. Rather, you can control IT.
Real-World Case-Scenario
If you’re in college, reading this, and you feel lonely; with no one to talk to, your family hundreds or even thousands of miles away, then you should feel opportunistic. You have thousands of dollars to pay (assuming you’re located in the US) as students loans, but years to pay them. You might feel drowned, or feel like you’re drowning in the icy deep waters that is life. There’s this course, this person that interests you and could even be a future partner down the line, you know.
In that exact situation, find people on campus, in local settings, clubs, or activities that might be willing to provide some valuable insight or serve as a helping hand. In your case, developing friends, good friends, in school works perfectly. Calling family might work too, but not as well. A physical face-to-face interaction means millions more to our brains than from our phones.
If you’re not social, you’re going to have to take the harder route. Embrace the loneliness, use it to strengthen your steps to finding more about who you are, what you value, and what you think matters to you the most in a few years from now. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two. Maybe, you’ll even learn that the things you used to think were for you, are not really for you. Life has a certain way of teaching us things in a way that makes them seem like a process. Yes, I’m repeating myself.
From here, keep moving forward. In your pursuit, find something of real meaning. Discover who you are, what makes you happy, and what you really value. Learn to build a life that depends not on others, but on your personal ability. Fail at this, succeed at something else. Then do it again.
You’ve Done It.
Come back to this post with an insight worth more than all the gold that exists in the world. Come back, or don’t, knowing that you’ve done it; that despite all the blood, sweat, and tears that there was, you succeeded. You didn’t let your mind or circumstances control you. You controlled it.
Conclusion
Life is interesting. It’s even more interesting that it naturally is that way, and for others, it isn’t. Here, we learn the hard way. But there, we learn the easy way. We take different steps, all of different sizes, in different shoes, in different weather; but we still end up reaching the same destination as everyone else that took the same journey that we did.
We followed the instructions, and we succeeded. But they, another person, followed the same instructions, and ended up in a completely different location.
Everyone’s map is different. Some are filled with grasslands, no traffic, sunshine and rainbows; but others are bombarded with rocky terrain, rain, thunderstorms, mud, and noise. Eventually, every person in the group learns an important lesson: everyone’s map really is different. A pre-defined set of steps will not guarantee sure-fire success. It won’t guarantee that you end up with the treasure, the gold, and the diamonds that it promises.
You can be lied to. You can be very easily manipulated. It is your job, and only your job to counterattack those direct attacks and ensure it doesn’t weaken you enough to quit. Loneliness is a common side effect -that you don’t even know you was a side effect– that we all have. It’s common in success. It’s common in stories of failure. Just like a cough, it can disrupt your path, or like a cold, cause you to lose focus. It can cause you to get off track; to lose sight of the shining light.
Never, ever, lose control. Know that despite everything, you can do it. It will be especially difficult, but all worth it in the end.
