4 min read
man learning on concrete wall photo – Unsplash.com
Introduction
Feeling miserable and like the whole world is against you is an intense and real feeling that I’ve recently experienced not too long ago. It’s consuming and controlling and makes feeling happy and free seemingly impossible.
Misery is a feeling I wish upon no one, but unfortunately virtually every person on the planet will encounter it a couple times in life. The best thing we can do is try our best to overcome it and counteract it as fits.
Important Mention
I feel like it’s almost mandatory that I address something very important.
Your experience with misery is almost certainly not the same as mine. Although mine made it difficult to focus, think clearly, sleep properly, and even eat regularly, the fix was relatively straightforward. I know it sounds bad, but once you hear the fix, you’ll realize that it really wasn’t that bad.
All of us have different, unique experience. There are plenty of things that make each one of us different. But in a way, we’re also similar.
What worked for me may work for you too; but it also might not. That’s expected. Expect that outcome.
My Personal Experience
A couple weeks ago (when I say a couple, I mean four), I was in a horrible spot mentally. Literally and physically, I was doing fine. Well, sort of at least. I was getting horrible sleep and waking up tired. Simultaneously, I started eating less and not having the energy to do anything but stare at the ceiling and think about my life.
In truth, misery does this to you.
I won’t get into the specifics of why I felt this way, but just know that it was because of fear and disappointment in myself. I felt like I didn’t amount enough to a specific goal of mine whereas the people around me were, and it made me feel like a failure. Conforming is a real thing, and when people around me accomplish a feat that I couldn’t match, I feel behind. It’s normal and that type of stuff happens.
This wasn’t any one specific moment, but rather a gradual buildup that happened over the course of multiple weeks, starting around 3 months ago.
So, for weeks I felt below my true potential and paid the price for it. My mood, energy, and even physical appearance reflected right off it.
So what changed?
Now I feel great and better than I’ve ever been. It’s like the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” except this was never a life-or-death situation. I think you get it.
I only feel the way I do because I took it slow. Understanding not to rush the process and to let your emotions slowly yet comfortably adapt is the best path for overcoming.
No one moment will change the way your mind is spinning unless it’s like exceptionally good, like getting accepted to a dream college or winning a massive sum of money from hard work that finally pays off. But if one of those moments aren’t under your local radar (by local I mean “upcoming” or “soon to happen”), then I wouldn’t depend on it.
What Didn’t Work
The common strategy that you’d probably find online is to write down the way you feel and why you feel that way in a journal and describe your experiences. Ideally, you’d write these down in a physical journal with a pencil or pen so that you really take your time.
The whole idea behind writing down the way you feel is to make yourself conscious of the way you feel and why it’s really happening. The reason lots of people can’t abandon their past is because they don’t come to terms with it. They neglect it and leave it behind, watching as it grows by the day. As each day passes, it transforms into the manifestation of your worst nightmare. It’s left unkept and unhealthy, not treated.
So, by writing down these negative thoughts and facing it directly, you make it more initially painful; but less painful over time.
Most times, this isn’t meant to work on-the-spot, but as you repeat it time after time. Through gradual but incremental incorporation, your mind develops a stronger defense.
However…
This strategy didn’t work for me at all. Naturally, I’m good at coming to terms with what’s bothering me and why it’s happening, and this was no different. Deep down, I knew I was a failure in some aspect, even if not as significantly as I was imagining. I saw myself this way for not be able to amount to what others were capable of. I was fully aware of myself and everyone else; knowing that even if it wasn’t as serious as I was picturing, I was still behind.
Being aware of yourself and everything around you makes it hard to just “wait it out”. It becomes almost impossible. Even if someone tells you that you have nothing to worry for, it doesn’t fully clear that inner self doubt that bubbles in your stomach. If it doesn’t come from you yourself, then it’s simply not good enough.
How To (slowly) Tear Misery Apart For Highly-Aware People
The trick (though pretty simple on paper and in practice) is to not fight it and move your attention to something else. Don’t tell yourself that you’re only doing X or Y because you feel bad, just do it. Do anything else at all; preferably, something that makes you laugh or smile. Make the transition smooth and clean.
This can be anything at all. Remember, this is your opportunity to do what YOU want.
Besides that, I seriously recommend drinking water and getting a good nights rest. Now, I understand if “good sleep” for some of you is naturally a challenge already, so I’ll suggest an altered approach to what you think I might be talking about.
How To (probably) Sleep Well No Matter What
Now, I say probably because even for me, this didn’t work 100% of the time. But it did work a majority of the time, so I’ll just put it here because it might help some people.
The trick is to go to sleep LATER than you usually would. So if you’re normal bedtime is 10:30, go to sleep at 11:30 or 12:00. I know, sounds like a lot. Trust me, it is.
However, the difference here is instead of going to sleep at a time you’d want to be asleep, go to bed at a time when you naturally start dozing off and feeling out of it. By this I mean your eyes should start flickering and signaling that they want to be closed, and your brain is moving at slower and slower speeds. It’s just when you feel tired. No better way to put it than that.
Sure, you’re total time in bed will be much smaller, but your sleep quality will increase notably by the time you wake up (hopefully). Again, it’s not guaranteed but a worthy attempt in my book.
Quick, Organic Happiness
The most powerful method (at least for me personally) that I used to get my mind out of the miserable gutter that it was stuck in was to stimulate my happy receptors. This means doing things that put an honest smile on your face that goes from ear to ear. The ones that make you love life and appreciate every living moment.
I believe that for most of us this means embracing our young age and celebrating anything at all with other people. By spending time with other people that make us feel warm, happy, and invited.
But maybe an easier way to obtain a weaker, yet still potent version of that is from a specific content creator, community page, or show. Again, not all of us are the same and so you should be willing to do what works for you and suffices.
General Methods That Might Work For You
- Change your physical environment. Go somewhere different, whether it just be going outside or into a different room. Change your setting. We naturally associate spaces with respective emotions. A change in setting changes this precisely.
- Do something with your hands. Cook, clean, draw, or build something. Misery is like fire; thrives when oxygen supplies it. Take away oxygen, and fire has no sustenance. Misery thrives in stillness and abstraction. Manual tasks force you into the present without asking for motivation.
- Talk to someone, but not to vent. A common suggestion is talking to someone and telling them how you feel; but in order to really burn it to the ground, avoid it entirely. Sounds counterintuitive, but it works. Connect with another person about something that gets you talking or makes you happy. The topic at hand being completely unrelated is why it works so well.
- Give yourself a time container. Tell yourself “I’ll feel this fully until Thursday.” I know it sounds odd, strange absolutely, but putting a boundary on misery makes it feel less permanent. And that feeling of permanence is what makes it unbearable. Give it a shot who knows?
- Stop waiting to feel ready. Most people wait for motivation before acting. However, it actually works the other way. Action comes first followed by feeling.
Conclusion
Misery is a horrible feeling that consumes your mind and body whole as it waits for you to resolve it. And a lot of times, it feels like there’s nothing you can do about it, no matter what you try. In some cases, the best solution is no invented solution at all. Just wait for time to pass and eventually, the feeling too. Deep down, that feeling of disappointment or shame may never truly disappear until you resolve it completely or end up in a vastly different position. And you know what? That’s completely fine.
For my specific situation, I know it will probably still bug me around in the next couple of months. But eventually I’ll erase the thought altogether when I’m a position that past me can truly be proud of. Big things take time.
The good thing about high awareness is always being conscious of what you do and what you’re capable of, but that’s also the same reason why it’s bad. Seemingly from thin air, your advantage can turn on you. Your best move sometimes is to admit you lost and get on with your day.
